RECORDED IN HOLLYWOOD 234; JULY 1952

 

You’d think the respective age and experience “advantages” that pop music enjoyed with their demographics might show up in the content of the records they enjoyed in the early 1950’s… or since then for that matter, but that’s never been the case.

The older you get, the more boring and buttoned-down you become. You quickly go from trying to overturn the status quo to actually BECOMING the status quo and since you probably did nothing to earn that status, you obviously fear threats to it.

Hence you become more conservative in your choices, which includes music.

Gone are the rollicking rhythms, the aggressive vocals and the racy content and on a song like this where the topic is sex, the old folks who you’d think have “done it” more times in their long lives than the kids it was made for were probably the first ones fooled into believing this was about a tedious household chore the lyrics use as its primary euphemism.

Unless of course it’s true that as you get older you tend to view sex as just another boring household chore.
 

Break In A Brand New Broom
While it’s true that something exciting is going to effect you more when just starting out, such as happens when kids start having sex, than when you’ve been doing it for awhile and have gotten over the sheer exhilarating thrill of your initial encounters, that’s not the reason why songs about sex are generally most prevalent in music aimed at those who are new to the job.

I’m sure older people will claim they no longer want to appear TOO eager to show their appreciation of the act itself because doing so implies they actually aren’t getting much if they have to brag about it all the time.

Fair enough maybe, but nah… that’s not the reason.

The reality is it’s the content itself that makes people uncomfortable as they age. Sex drive supposedly diminishes over time… then there’s the fact that you have one partner (presumably) if you’ve been married for years and there’s no sense of discovery left. If you work and have kids you might not have time to even do the deed properly, especially if you’re worried about the kids finding you in flagrante delicto and so it ceases to be foremost in your mind.

In that situation I can imagine old folks being upset to hear a song like Long Time Baby because it would only remind them that their sex life isn’t what it once was.

That is assuming they actually understood the lyrics are ABOUT sex and not about something else they probably do a lot more around the house, which is sweeping up the messes you and the fams make every day munching on potato chips and going in and out with dirt on your shoes.

Of course the euphemism itself works better in theory than in song and considering that Little Caesar, just 24 but sounding 42, doesn’t deliver this in a way to really accentuate the supposed naughtiness then it’s hardly a surprise to find that kids passed it by probably because they were too busy getting it on to listen, as did adults who weren’t having sex and weren’t happy sweeping up after those who were.
 

You’ll Have Nightmares, Baby
Give them credit if you want for trying to disguise their intent with a flowery piano intro that sounds like the music somebody’s grandmother in 1952 would appreciate… which would mean that your first blush with this record has you encountering the tastes of somebody born sometime around 1890.

But thankfully that quickly disappears – old ladies have a tendency to fall asleep quickly after all – and so we get the… umm… main thrust as it were musically to lead into the good parts.

It’s a simple formula, not very imaginative, but also not very effective either. A basic bass line with no heavy beat and co-writer Que Martyn’s lazy saxophone adding colors… albeit not very vibrant primary colors, more like neutral earth tones.

That leaves it to Little Caesar to put this over and since his voice is definitely in need of some Viagra – both in the smirking enthusiasm and cocky swagger departments – then it means everything falls to the lyrics themselves to be something more than just modestly clever in order to keep our attention.

Unfortunately he comes up short here as well.

At first it seems his problem is that he doesn’t have a point of view. Is he positioning himself as the new guy who “sweeps clean” or the old partner whose “broom gets in every crack”?

It turns out he’s the old guy, not necessarily old as in years – though he could’ve fooled us – but in terms of being with her before who is now afraid he’s being supplanted by someone younger, better looking and more virile who probably has a longer broom to work with.

Gee, I wonder why she doesn’t want to be his Long Time Baby anymore. Maybe he should’ve avoided the broom analogy which is lyrically weak as well as anatomically disturbing.

I’m not saying he’s using the broom itself IN bed, but it’s hardly the most erotic household staple to substitute for the male genitalia when trying to court the interest of an available female, nor does it even have a fairly obvious related action involved such as you’d find in a toolbox… say a hammer or screwdriver.

Sweeping? Really? What kind of sex act is this supposed to be?

Though Caesar does get a little more rambunctious sounding following a lackluster sax solo there’s still the sense that he’s got very little experience in this department and the girl gave up on him because he just didn’t understand the logistics of carnal encounters.

Or maybe he was already feeling old and listless and this is the first step in waving the white flag and sitting on the couch all night and falling asleep during the last five minutes of Dragnet while his woman rummages around the closet for a new broom.

While you’re in there, don’t forget the dustpan, because you’ll need it to dispose of this record and guy who sang it.
 
 
SPONTANEOUS LUNACY VERDICT:

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
(Visit the Artist page of Little Caesar for the complete archive of his records reviewed to date)